Thank God for small victories

He tried to be funny again this morning but I refused and he tried to get his way to no avail
He gave me a crap story about wanting to be with me and love me but I refused to barge
I told him in the face that he had rejected me twice and I will be stupid to return back again
And that I do not get intimate with anyone whom I am not seeing
He tried to push again and stopped subsequently
He told me about his mum asking about his move home, H/boys asking etc
I didn’t give any reaction and asked him to work harder
He told me off that it wasn’t as easy as I said it
In a way, he was right because the story that he was feeding me – wasn’t true, so there wasn’t any difficulty

He gave his promise to me never to ask me about R again

I think he finally realized that I will not go back this time round
His attitude towards me turned abrupt and cold after he realized that I was not falling for his words
I told him that he was like a child, refusing others to play his toy despite wanting to throw that toy away
But he denied that

I told him that there will always be a part of me, that feel strongly for him

But I was relieved that it’s over, which he said he was relieved too
I asked him if we were still friends and he replied yes (quite reluctantly)

What I really want to tell him

• I really want to be with you – but I recognize that it’s a one way street
• Your words & actions hurt me to the core last week – in a way, it’s irreversible
• I know you are still lying now about things not working out with her – pls stop already
• Stop being so selfish – have a thought for me, since you let me go – don’t pull me back anymore
• Stop giving me hopes and showing me concern – that’ll only make it more difficult for me to let go
• Pls stop using me - I'm not your sex toy

BTW, he left ofc again and is on leave today

I guess I’ll see him next week (if I do)
Good for me not to see him too

My milestones for today:

• NO looking at my hp
• Focus on my work on hand