He lied again yesterday.. claimed to be going to meet a client at 7pm but ended up still at JP with me at that time - all this without informing the client that he would be late (hello? Do I really look so dumb to you?)
I guess I must seem pretty dumb to him:
- afterall he is my boss (nah... i'm talking about his knowledge)
- afterall I keep silent despite knowing his lies and empty promises
- my constant acceptance to let him back into my life, despite saying no just a second ago
Telling him it was alright to let go, no need to feel bad or guilty
I did not look at my hp and amazingly had a good rest (finally.. after many sleepless nights)
Unfortunately backpedaled again this morning when I saw him waiting downstairs for me
Read last night's texts and suddenly realized that he stopped saying he loved me
Actually I can barely remember the last time he said it
He mentioned his heartache, feelings were not of guilt (but nothing more)
The coward in me, do not ask or clarify
For fear of what he may say, or lies he may give
I do not ask as I know that I will 'kill' myself by second guessing his every words
I hate myself for being such a loser, 'begging' for his attention
Just told him i will go back myself today - his reply - ok, in bad shape, lousy company, will rub on without me knowing"
Seriously? just fuck off!
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