Realized how selfish and self-centered I've been these past months, engaging in nothing but self-pity...
Suddenly thought about his wife - the one whom he betrayed...
As a fellow female, my heart goes to her. Tried putting myself in her shoes... it's definitely no easy feat... the heartbreak, the betrayal, disbelief, loss of trust, security, faith, anger and I'm sure she had cried buckets of tears.
No words can express how apologetic I feel towards you
You may not believe this but I didn't mean to hurt you
I hope my lies allowed the both of you, to rebuild your marriage
I'm sorry for not telling you the truth that you sought from me
It's pointless for you to know them as it would have prevented you from moving on
Do you know how much I envy you for your loving husband, your beautiful children and family?
I salute your strength in wanting to rebuild your marriage. Your determination in trying to make things work while balancing your family
You are a beautiful and courageous lady with a wonderful heart.
He and I had a choice, and we chose to start this affair but you had none to prevent this.
I'm sure the two of you have your faults in this marriage but you never deserved this
I think that my love for him, is no lesser than yours but I have no right to fight with you (neither will I when I know its a lost cause)
You never had to worry about my existence as I have always knew he would have chosen you (but I stupidly still bore hope)
You have every right to hate me but I do not wish for the worst for you
I'm sorry for blocking you on WatsApp but I cannot handle you contacting me again
I tried to make you feel better but it made me feel worse
We are strangers stuck in this struggle, over one man (your man).
I hope you would be able to forgive the both of us for doing you wrong.
Love the words in this picture...
Cry
I've stopped crying out (aloud - my tears are now flowing inside of me)
Crying doesn't solve my troubles
It is only a form of temporary relief and I hate having to hide to cry (for fear of worrying those around me)
It's time I stop watering my tears on a seed that's never going to grow
Forgive
I know I need to forgive myself for:
- not having the strength to stop this affair from starting (I knew it was wrong)
- going against everything I believed in
- introducing him to my gal (I am such a terrible example)
- lying in hopes to keep him with me
- falling in love with a MM
- sleeping with him
- losing my babies (this will be so difficult and I don't think I can ever get over this)
- allowing him to hurt me (I allowed this to happen)
Forgive him for:
- his lies (he lied but it was my choice to believe him)
- for saying that he loved me (I still remember how I choked up when I first heard it)
- giving me empty promises (proposals - I never thought it meant nothing to him)
- his cowardliness - for not telling me the truth about their /our relationship
- for engaging and connecting with my gal (she cannot stop talking about him and each time she mentions him, it is like a knife into my heart)
- hurting me
- believing and bearing hope in his words
- continuing to hold on to me (now) despite his promises to her
Learn
I learnt that:
- I need to stop holding on to something that never belonged to me in the first place (borrowing it for some time doesn't make it yours)
- I shall never ever be TOW again (it is alright to be alone, than be in such situations again)
- I shall protect my heart at all times (should have known better after A & divorce)
- I am worthy for someone better
- Put all my love and energy into people who care and love me (I have neglected my gal during my time with him)
Move on
I want to move on... I don't want to linger at the same spot
I am ready to try to move on.. I know I will succeed if I try hard enough
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