A brighter today =)

You know what?
As much as I want to reply you to your “miss you” message – I am holding back as I don’t think its necessary
I noticed that the more I push you away, the closer you come

I also noticed how manipulative you can be, using the same tactics over and over again:
·         miss you,
·         hard to let go,
·         have urge to do this and that,
·         you are stronger,
·         I try,
·         It’s not as simple as you think,
·         I know I shouldn’t text you,
·         I need to know if I need to let go when I am alone again
·         You are stronger
·         I didn’t make a choice….

As I list these down, I realize how lame the words are and wonder why I fall for them every time.
I am so needy and as she assumed, I must be pretty desperate

From what I know of you – you will definitely leave earlier today

My guess for excuse – to go WDL office, rush to see mum, settle kids or just leave quietly
Perhaps you will tell me that you go WDL jetty to unwind
But I know you are spending time with your SO – which is the right thing
I DO NOT WANT TO SECOND GUESS ANYMORE!
What you do is between the two of you, it doesn’t change anything for me!
Afternote:
I was right, he chose to go WDL for meeting*, lol so expected!
Anyway – I will NOT text him and make reference to what day today is.
It is NONE of my business and I do not want to care or ask etc!

It is alright – I want to let this go!

No more victim and self-pity mentality! I want to be powerful, not pitiful!
I want to forgive myself for what I have done, forgive him for his part in this whole saga, stop questioning or analyzing what/why/when it happened.
It's absolutely and totally pointless - what's happened, has happened!
Trying to analyze this whole things over and over again, will not undo anything and merely make me more frustrated and bitter about the whole thing.
I know God has more in store for me!
I know this rejection from him is so that I have better things ahead!
He is not the better thing, for me.
I kinda empathize him too, feel he is kind of pathetic, having to pacify two females to pay attention to him
I am very sure that he is a extremely nice & lovable person but some things could have been distorted along the way so that things remained status co.
Whether I love him or not, I will never know but I know this is the kind of hb that I want to have
I guess we both lost ourselves along the way... hating him or myself doesn't unchanged that

I slept better yesterday as I decided that I wanted to let go

I need to find other things to preoccupy myself
I do not have to make myself overly busy – just to take my mind off him
My intend is just to remind myself that it is alright to be by myself J
I have faith that the light is at the end of the tunnel!
Psst.. I can already see the glimpse of light already