1. Not to use me
2. Giving me crumbs of his time when he could afford it (texting me only when he could find bits of time)
3. Friends do not hug – yes, he hugged me again and I hugged him back
4. My feelings for him are swindling as my hopes in him die
5. I don’t love someone who doesn’t
6. I know that we are definitely over and that’s never gotta change
7. It is a fact that they are together and I am the odd one out
Surprise! Surprise! –
He ‘accidently’ texts me “You were right abt my feeling… let’s consider divorce
n I move out”
You know something?
This is your 2nd/3rd time you have done exactly or said
something to this extendBut you know the weird thing? Even if it’s true (which I know is not), it’s amazing how come you can still ‘consider’ at this stage
Did I not feel anything when I read that? Eh… do I look dead to you? Of course I did!
And you know what? I hate the power that you have, over such simple words!
I need to gain control back again!
I wonder when I can
stop? Stop
·
Looking at my hp’s messenger – wondering if he’s
texting me, her or checking my online status· Blocking & unblocking her on messenger
· Checking out her FB account (which she has changed the privacy settings L - I know it’s for the better)
· Wondering what he is doing with her
· Wanting to know what lies he told me
· Second guessing his intentions for doing and saying certain things
My mantra:
I have to let go of what doesn’t belong to me, I have faith God will give me what he has planned for me and I know it will be better!
Let go of the past, bitterness, anger and frustration so that I can be healed J
It will be better for all 3 of us (actually I think it could be just me – that’s still bearing minimal hope, they have already moved on as a couple)
I’m doing the dance again today… chacha front 2 steps and chacha
back 2 steps
Started cos I started listening to his work troubles…. The end
of my hard work?! It’s alright, I know I can start over and this time it’ll be easier than before!
I have faith!
*************************************************
Was reading a blog on with a similar
topic, decided to ‘steal’ some ideas in hopes that it will make me feel better.
Wanna list down the things that I miss about/doing with him:
·
Looking at his eyes, curly eyelashes, open
pores, white & stiff hair· Touching his round tummy, tickling his tummy (it's no longer what it used to be)
· Listening to him share about work, knowledge, hobbies, advise
· Dinners together – enjoy seeing him pig out
· Holding of hands in the car
· Sneaking kisses and lying on his wide & comfortable shoulders
· His grabbing my leg in shock/fear when watching horror movies and pretending all’s alright after ‘jumping up’
· Our criticism of strangers clothes, singing etc
· Our simple joys – SB, jetty, staring into the sky, stars, moon, window shopping for nothing
· His texts - water drinking, sleep well,
· Seeing him scratch his fingers (and the left side of his body)
· His frown (with wrinkles on his forehead and strained eyes)
· His ahem and nose sniffing
· His reaching out for the sanitizer when he sneezes
· His pushing up of his Rayban glasses (which keeps sliding down)
· His scratching of scalp when his hair gets longer
· His pulling up of his pants (I noticed it kinda reduced recently)
· His clumsy acts (closing the door on his leg, knocking head on the car roof etc)
· His nostril nose peeking out of his nose, his attempt to breathe it out/in to hide it
· His (repeated) stories about his childhood, parents, army and China experience
· Looking at his front pocket and wonder why putting his wallet there, doesn’t make him uncomfortable
· His subtle adjustment of his pants, in the car
· Seeing his sometimes dirty shirt after his meals
· His subtle attempts of catching my eye at meetings/town halls
· His attempts to cushion truths to make them more receivable (sometimes I get lost on what he wants to tell me – my fault, not his)
I miss him so much... :(
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