Backpedal (again)

He came by my void deck last night, to pass me a zodiac coin after his meeting
Talked about his work for nearly an hour
He seemed really stressed up over work
Seemed more relieved after unloading
He left after giving me a hug and light kiss on the face
After he left, I realized how much I missed hearing him talk about his work, thoughts, insecurity and all
I waited till he was home before going to sleep
I realized how much I have missed him, talking to him, pouring out my thoughts to him, listening to his advice, looking up to him
I basically really missed him
A part of me, wanted to ask him not to let me go
To stay with me,
To be what we used to be or have
To be there with me
But I didn’t… what is the point of saying such when you know it is impossible?

He texted me on his way home if I missed him but I didn’t reply
I think I am backpedalling again…

My period of mourning is over, I do not want a lifetime of mourning

I know my time with him is over, he does not belong to me
A is right to empathize with her, I definitely do not want to be in her shoes of second guessing & wondering all the time
I need and want to let it go
It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t want to be with me
We don’t even belong together in the first place
My allowing him to treat me like a spare, doesn’t help anyone move forward
I know we will need to move forward else it will not be healthy for either of us

I may think that I am losing someone who is good for me

But I know that God is something better in store for me!
Cause he was never mine
I have faith that the days ahead will be better!