Ups and downs... all becos he's back

It’s been about a week that you have been back

And you’ve blown the peace that I’ve been trying to maintain while you’ve been away

With your claims of waiting at my void deck during NYE, cooking for me, your ‘caring’ text messages, asking about rental places in the west.

I have no idea what is in your mind.

I wrote such a long note but you only focused on my avenue and claim that it’s another guy

I felt no need to correct your misconception.. I know it’s not right of me to mislead you on this.

U accidently texted me yesterday and told me about your mum’s condition turn for the worse..

It took my breath away and I texted you as I was worried for you

I was so disorientated with fear for you… and kept looking at my hp all day..

By accident? I didn’t really believe it, I am sorry.

Although I had doubts about what you said… but I was worried for you.

It is  real… even if we had the most remote chance of being together – we would never have survived it as there is a lack of trust and insecurity

You picked me up today and asked for a hug and ended with more…

I prided myself for not allowing you into my house despite your asking.

I know what you wanted but I can’t.

I cannot understand why you keep holding on to me, it could be wanting to have me as a backup in case she drops you

I know you want to be in control, so do I – to have myself back again and not like an eager puppy waiting for your crumbs

I must remind myself not to make any excuses for you and take things at face value

No excuses or trying to interpret what you mean by saying this/that, doing this/that

No stalking of whether the two of you are chatting, of course you are.. you are a pair

I will not stop you if you want to do more for me… help me find hp shop etc

My mantra :

1.       Dun bother to second guess his motives, intentions – ask and watch him squirm with his lies.

2.       Dun believe his words – he only thinks of himself and no one else!

3.       The best thing I can do for myself, is forgive him, bear no bitterness and move on! Be better to myself!

I can do it!