A good break

I had a good short break with my gal
Unfortunately I took a back step again during the break
He picked us up, went lunch with us and played with my gal
Seeing him play with her, touched my soul to the core
It may not mean anything to him, but to me – it meant more than my life

He then left for his biz dinner but turned up suddenly after it ended and I back slided again…

After the whole thing, I suddenly told him that I had no more hope to be with him
I was tired and can't explain why I said that
Perhaps to let him know that I’ve given up all hope (really? I don’t know)
He tucked me in and went back home shortly after
It hurt that he couldn’t stay longer (afterall didn’t he claim that he/his wife was over already?)
I didn’t ask for more nor why
Because I didn’t want to listen to lies

I don’t understand why he is doing this

Calling an end to things and yet retracting his words thenafter
It’s obvious that their r/s is not in the state as he claimed
Wouldn’t it be better off that we ended this?
Let me go… please
Don’t play with my heart and mind like this

I had a bad night yesterday

Dreamt that the both of them took new wedding pics
A stark reminder to myself that I am the outsider
I’m back to staring at my hp again

I noticed she changed her WA settings

And her pics have recently been about prayers
I suspect she is trying to find strength to rebuild their r/s too
Learning to trust him and start all over again
I  know that I should not join him to hurt her like that
I need divine help
I can’t do this alone
I know at the end of all this, it'll just be the two women.. hurt by one man...
She doesn't have a choice as she's bounded to him, by sacred marriage vows
But for me, I allowed him to do this to me