My own deadline

Again, I couldn’t control myself and asked him if we could spend this evening together, he agreed. I promise to stop myself from ‘begging’ for his time
Sad to say that I’m back to square 1… I guess back with him again
I want to ask him where this is bringing us but I don’t dare to
Why? I don’t want to know, I want to be the ostrich for now… I don’t want to lie to myself or hear any from him
I guess I’ll just take one day at a time for now…
I give myself to 17^th April to put an end to this, after birthday
I want someone to care for me during my day… that’s the last thing I would like to have from him
In the meantime, I will give him all my attention and love, with no expectations
He’ll be away next week, I guess it’s a good opportunity for me to stand up on my own again

For today:

1. Aim to concentrate on work & no hp watching J
2. Acceptance that it is alright if he doesn’t spend this evening with me - He can be physically with you, but yet so far away. I do very much want him to spend it with me, but I must prepare myself for disappointment too. There are many options for him to choose to 'escape' out, including using his mum/kids. I will not push or ask again, if he really wants to go out - he will ask.