After the ride – I realized that he has accepted that it is over
A part of me hoped that he would ask me to continue our r/s
While the other part thanked him for his acceptance
I was reading through my journal yesterday and realized that
we had so much drama
Correction – I was full of dramaWith the appearance of the Rs, accidental text, stalking, wanting out, emailing him and all
All of this was done just to keep him by my side, it was so low handed of me
I also connected some dots on our affair
· His wife mentioned that she suspected my existence back in Nov through a WA text on the PC. Coincidentally that was also when he first told me he didn’t know what to do and wanted to stay in for his kids (that means he actually broke up with me 3x times)
· He got really angry with the accidental text and I realize now that was because it threatened his peace and what he was withholding from the both of us
· He is just like me – a selfish person who will do anything to retain another’s affection/attention
· He has fed me so many lies and I wanted to believe him because I wasn’t ready to let go too. I know he lied about
1) his lawyer’s appointment today on the separation – my gut & intuition tells me that it’s for the biz that he’s doing
2) how he doesn’t love or care about her – his actions doesn’t match his words
I decided to stop
this analyzing and trying to figure out what were lies, half truth or truth
It doesn’t matter anymore at this stageI know it’ll be easier for me to beg for his return which I know will be futile too
I know the path that I am taking now, is right
I must remind myself that :
-
He will always have a special place in my heart
- I can finally hold my head up high for I have done what is right
- There will be ups & downs in the coming days but I know that I can do it
- My self-worth is not determined by how much others want/do not want me – I know I am worthy
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